More Edgy Satire

Suzanne at Big Blue Wave commented on my "Patriarchy" post, stating that my satire needed to be a little more "edgy". I agree with her. And I have done better in the past.

Suzanne is a fetus-rights advocate in Canada. In her honor, I am republishing a comment that I made on another site concerning abortion. Out of respect for the blog author on the other site, I will delete her name where referenced. I might not should have been so hard on this blogger, and since we have gained a mutual respect for one another. But this is an illustration of my satirical ability at its finest. Here it is in it's entirety.

I agree with you. It is a humanity issue.

I received an e-mail the other day from NARAL-Pro Choice/Planned Parenthood concerning a governor in South Dakota who had the gall to sign into law a bill that would limit a woman's right to an abortion. I could not believe it!I mean, how dare this guy have the tenacity to call a fetus a "baby". And to say that a "fetus" is innocent. We all know that a fetus is nothing more than a parasite, and even when full grown, continues to be a parasite.

As you said earlier, no one should be forced to have a child.This legislation promotes a lot of unnerving ideas. First of all, again, it promotes the idea that a fetus is alive, when in fact, a fetus is nothing more than a parasitic cluster of cells. I know you know what I am talking about, since you are an ER nurse. Secondly, this legislation promotes the dangerous idea people can somehow control their impulses, especially those that are sexual. Hormones are raging, and we can't stop them. And finally, and this is personal to me, this indirectly promotes the idea that human beings are superior to other animals. C'mon, we are all just squirrels trying to get our nut in this world.

A fetus is a fetus. It is a cancerous growth in the womb of unsuspecting women. Who wants the burden, the pain, of bearing these clusters of growth to full-term, just for them to hamper the lifestyle of EVERYBODY who comes into contact with them. Nevermind that the Greek word "fetus" translates to "baby". We know what we mean, even if the majority of other people do not.

And how dare anyone even imply that people are responsible for their sexual impulses. Hormones are hormones, and we just have to live with them. Puberty hits and we better watch out. I mean the highschool kids are like rabbits in mating season. And it is not their fault. It's their hormones. How dare anyone even suggest that a person is responsible for their own actions. I know that this somewhat flies in the face of our sexual harrassment agenda, but c'mon.

And, my personal beef fetus with this, this legislation suggests that men and women, boys and girls, humankind, are somewhat superior to other animals. My belief is that morals do not really exist, that we are all just animals, so if it exists in the animal world, it's fair game. The women of South Dakota, if they cannot secure an abortion in their state, should just eat their young.

You've got me really fired up. It doesn't matter to me that a fetus has a heartbeat, brain activity, and nerve activity early on. It doesn't matter that the only difference between a fetus and a legal "person" is size, dependancy, and location. (I also personally believe we should abort, or euthanize, all short people over the age of 50 living in San Francisco who depend upon insulin to regulate their blood sugar.) And personal responsibility, didn't we get rid of that with the sexual revolution? How archaic to think that people actually have to suffer the consequences of their actions. I mean, really, that would imply that humans are somewhat at a higher level than the animals world, with reason and logic and morals and everything that genuinely does separate humans from animals. Margaret Sanger didn't think that a difference existed, especially if you were black. And nobody cares about the the missed abortion opportunities, except perhaps their mothers and people interested in adopting those missed opportunities. And besides, so many famous people support abortion. How fun is it not be among the cool people.It is certainly fair to generalize all of those anti-abortion nuts as misguided idiots who only care that the burden of child-rearing be placed on women so as to oppress them, and that the only people they want to see aborted is the abortionists. Generalization is alright, right Margaret Sanger?

Thanks for bringing this issue up. The 5,000 desperate women who performed the close-hanger abortions prior to Roe V. Wade "legalizing" abortion certainly justifies the over 46 million babies aborted since 1973. Does the WHO have any statistics on how many babies were aborted prior to 1973, when abortion was legal, but was much a state matter rather than a federal matter? Oops, I said "babies". Anyway, thanks again. I know I probably sound like an ass, but, hey, aren't we all just animals anyway?